Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
