I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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