I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
