Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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