Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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