I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
