Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
