It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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