told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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