What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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