I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
