Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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