His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so let's talk penis.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
