I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she looked like the before picture.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
