I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
