chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
