porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
