Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
