ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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