it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
