Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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