Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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