I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
