he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
