Already got asked if we're dating
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
