Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
