me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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