Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
there is glitter all over my balls
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