No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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