god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
