and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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