They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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