The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
