I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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