I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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