Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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