You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
