Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
