I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
