Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
