No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
