What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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