Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
