Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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