i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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