Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
