You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
