i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
