I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
