if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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