Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
