how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want a musical about memes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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