You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
