We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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