why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
