grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
