do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
