some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
