Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
