I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
